If I Love You, Am I Trapped Forever? by M.E. Kerr

This book follows Allan Bennett, the popular jock who has spent years making fun of the outcast known as "Doomed" (Duncan Stein). One day, in senior year, Duncan posts an ad in the school newspaper asking for a date to the dance. When the whole school turns their attention towards Duncan, Allan is caught up in the pain of his changing (and leaving) relationships.

When I started reading the book, I really liked the initial introduction of Alan. It was almost like a warning of what to expect—of course, I didn’t listen to it. I figured it would be like others I’d read where the “I’m going to get what’s coming to me” was just an eye-catching device to capture my attention. Given that preconceived idea, I forgot that he mentioned this. As I was reading, I found myself getting almost annoyed with how things were turning out. “Oh, he’s the popular, good-looking, dream boy. Isn’t he supposed to win at everything?” Apparently not. All of those times I was reading from the POV of the “underdog” (AKA Doomed/Duncan) I never really thought about the inner turmoil of those opposed (AKA Alan). When I finally remembered his initial warning I kind of rolled my eyes at it. But really, it was true. He should’ve been nicer to Duncan (though I think that bit of payback was more from karma than from Duncan being spiteful or vengeful), he could’ve taken it upon himself to talk to Leah when she started moving away—explain his feelings to her—by the time he did she was already gone. The situation with his father was really jarring. I knew it wouldn’t go well—why would it?—but I was surprised that he just took it. I mean he did shut down and leave and cut ties, but I would’ve liked to see him really blow up.

Throughout this book, I felt like Alan was so immobile. I felt like the entire world around him was moving insanely fast, but he was just stood there looking at the ground. That was one of the most frustrating things about being in Alan’s head. I wanted more to happen with him. Honestly, I wanted to be with the others—Leah, Sophie, Duncan. I wanted to see what they were doing. Experience their fun. I suppose that’s part of the point. Alan is slowly being left on the outskirts of the excitement and this is his story.