Whoa...
Okay guys,
So I have just come to the realization that I am about to go into my last year of high school. I am totally and completely petrified. I have very little idea what I want to do with my future.
Could I just hide out here with you guys?
You see I have been living pretty much the same way since I was 4 years old (at most). I've been living in this same house since March before my 5th birthday. I've moved schools a few times (From my Kindergarten and First Grade school to my Second Grade school, then to a new one for my last 3 years of Elementary. Then to one middle school for 6th grade before another to close out the last two years--this was because my school was shut down and replaced by a new one. And then my high school which I have and will stay in until I graduate) but I've always had the same general schedule. Get up around 7, go to school, attend my classes, go home, occupy myself, procrastinate (and eventually do) or completely forget homework, go to bed (around 10ish as I am not a morning person, especially with less than 8hrs of sleep. I won't fall asleep until at least 11 though, depending on the night), and then repeat.
Boring as hell, right? Absolutely. I've hated it for years (especially as I got into my teen years). As much as I love hanging out on the internet all the time (and believe me I do) I sometimes wish there were actual people having a conversation back with me, you know?
Anyway, in like 10 months I will be an adult, with a high school diploma and some college credits. That is ridiculous! I know nothing about the real world! I can barely even manage to wake up at a reasonable hour! I don't know what I want to do with myself. Hell, I can't even talk to one of the teachers at my school (some of which I see constantly and have known since Freshman year as it is a very very small school) without feeling like I've made a fool of myself. I can't ask someone for help without wanting to punch myself in the face. How do I become a functional member of society?
Yeah I know how to solve the Pythagorean Theorem but I have no clue how to get a job, do my taxes, or change a freaking flat tire! I can't even make my own hair appointments without feeling like I'm burdening someone! How the hell am I going to survive?
One of my biggest fears is that I become one of those humans (No offense if you ARE one of these humans; I understand the appeal to this) that lives with their parents their whole lives. You know who I'm talking about, right? The ones who live off their parents from birth to the death of their parents. I cannot be one of them (again, sorry).
I'm quite an independent person, which is both a gift and a curse. On one hand I've got no problem with having to do things on my own. However, asking someone for help is like jumping out of a plane without a parachute.
That's not because I'm prideful or anything (I don't think). I just feel like a burden. Even if I'm willing to pay the person for their troubles I feel like I've done something wrong.
Like a few weeks ago I was told to take two floats inside at my aunts to blow up with the air pump thingy (idek) and I had no idea how to do it. I don't have a pool I've never had a freaking pool (unfortunately). So I asked my older cousin if she could help me (Idk what made me think she would know but I just went with it) and she said sure and came over and inflated them.
You see even though there was no hint of resentment towards me for my request I was still very upset at myself for needing help. It was a simple task after all. Loud (which would've scared me and made me feel like a disturbance). I felt embarrassed that I was taking away from her time in the pool.
You see my problems here? Being an adult is a very very very scaring thing for me. I know that a lot of others struggle with this and I'm not the only one but I needed to let this out.
Do I feel better? A bit. Not a lot but...a bit.
So I have just come to the realization that I am about to go into my last year of high school. I am totally and completely petrified. I have very little idea what I want to do with my future.
Could I just hide out here with you guys?
You see I have been living pretty much the same way since I was 4 years old (at most). I've been living in this same house since March before my 5th birthday. I've moved schools a few times (From my Kindergarten and First Grade school to my Second Grade school, then to a new one for my last 3 years of Elementary. Then to one middle school for 6th grade before another to close out the last two years--this was because my school was shut down and replaced by a new one. And then my high school which I have and will stay in until I graduate) but I've always had the same general schedule. Get up around 7, go to school, attend my classes, go home, occupy myself, procrastinate (and eventually do) or completely forget homework, go to bed (around 10ish as I am not a morning person, especially with less than 8hrs of sleep. I won't fall asleep until at least 11 though, depending on the night), and then repeat.
Boring as hell, right? Absolutely. I've hated it for years (especially as I got into my teen years). As much as I love hanging out on the internet all the time (and believe me I do) I sometimes wish there were actual people having a conversation back with me, you know?
Anyway, in like 10 months I will be an adult, with a high school diploma and some college credits. That is ridiculous! I know nothing about the real world! I can barely even manage to wake up at a reasonable hour! I don't know what I want to do with myself. Hell, I can't even talk to one of the teachers at my school (some of which I see constantly and have known since Freshman year as it is a very very small school) without feeling like I've made a fool of myself. I can't ask someone for help without wanting to punch myself in the face. How do I become a functional member of society?
Yeah I know how to solve the Pythagorean Theorem but I have no clue how to get a job, do my taxes, or change a freaking flat tire! I can't even make my own hair appointments without feeling like I'm burdening someone! How the hell am I going to survive?
One of my biggest fears is that I become one of those humans (No offense if you ARE one of these humans; I understand the appeal to this) that lives with their parents their whole lives. You know who I'm talking about, right? The ones who live off their parents from birth to the death of their parents. I cannot be one of them (again, sorry).
I'm quite an independent person, which is both a gift and a curse. On one hand I've got no problem with having to do things on my own. However, asking someone for help is like jumping out of a plane without a parachute.
That's not because I'm prideful or anything (I don't think). I just feel like a burden. Even if I'm willing to pay the person for their troubles I feel like I've done something wrong.
Like a few weeks ago I was told to take two floats inside at my aunts to blow up with the air pump thingy (idek) and I had no idea how to do it. I don't have a pool I've never had a freaking pool (unfortunately). So I asked my older cousin if she could help me (Idk what made me think she would know but I just went with it) and she said sure and came over and inflated them.
You see even though there was no hint of resentment towards me for my request I was still very upset at myself for needing help. It was a simple task after all. Loud (which would've scared me and made me feel like a disturbance). I felt embarrassed that I was taking away from her time in the pool.
You see my problems here? Being an adult is a very very very scaring thing for me. I know that a lot of others struggle with this and I'm not the only one but I needed to let this out.
Do I feel better? A bit. Not a lot but...a bit.
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